Hooray for Boobies

December 14, 2004 at 11:36 pm (Funny Shit)

I think the reason this one's going around in my head is that I do get it–I understand why breasts–boobs, hooters, knobs, jugs, cans, fun bags (did I forget any?)–have such a following.

I have to admit–I'm rather attached to my breasts. After all, I've had them since I was a teenager. Actually had more of them than I should–I've been told more than once to get them reduced–ohhh yeah, just TRY to get ANYONE to pay for THAT! I did try to get a reduction funded, before I'd agree to the back surgery that has done more to fuck up my life than my last four boyfriends. Nope–no matter HOW MANY family practice doctors, orthopedists, neurosurgeons, physical therapists or other concerned (with getting paid) parties have made copious notes in my landmark-sized medical records, every insurance company I've ever been covered by has said that they'd rather pay $20K for back surgery (and one eventually did) than pay $5000 to subtract some tit from me.

But, as usual, that's not the point here.

The point is, I'm not the one who's attached to my breasts. Well, not literally–figuratively speaking, most of the folks I know tend to describe me as, "Long hair, nice personality, and Oh My God you GOTTA see that rack!!" Even my female friends! Which leads to the inevitable, "I know this guy…he'd be perfect for you…" Translation: I told him about your boobies and he's drooling and won't leave me alone until you agree to meet him.

Don't get me started on my fiance.

OK, guess I'm already on the subject, so–Well, he's rather fondle of them too–even tho he did ask if I'd ever thought about having them reduced (Keep in mind this was on our first date–he dropped the idea rather quickly thereafter, expressing his fond(le)ness for them) once.

To tell you the truth, I don't know how I'd feel about losing a cup size or two–I'm used to dealing with them and even tho it'd go a long way toward helping with day to day pain levels, I think I'd miss them being the way they have been all my adult life. I have noticed that I allow for them when passing people in close quarters, and I really think my balance would be affected if they suddenly changed–I don't look like I'm about to fall over now but I could seriously change my posture the opposite direction if they suddenly shrunk. I guess it's like anything else–you get used to life being a certain way and a drastic change would mess up more than you think, even if you sit and consider exactly what might be affected.

This is all academic, but I do still think about altering them…about once a year, when I see one of those email questionnaires asking things like, "Coffee or tea? Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt? If you could have plastic surgery once, what would you have done?" and other things that come on those odd buggers. But I usually decide what you read above–I'm me and while there's much I would change, that's not one of the things.

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