What I Learned this Christmas

December 25, 2004 at 11:46 am (Funny Shit)

1. Those little Milky Way Caramels that they put out for Christmas seriously rock, but they should be bigger. MUCH bigger.

2. Making your own chocolate syrup rocks, but be sure not to let it boil over.

3. Getting rid of the smell of burnt chocolate syrup is a real pain in the ass.

4. If you expect things to get where they should on time, ship them Priority Mail–it's cheaper than UPS' accelerated shipping and far as I know no one burned down a Post Office this year.

5. Monkey Farts rocks! But it'll turn into soap on a stick in discounted-water and other extreme soaping methods.

6. The more you give your Mailbitch, the nicer you find your mail.

7. Mine likes Bayberry and loves the Lip Balm.

8. Making those hand-knit washcloths comes out stellar in the MAN-sized version! Twice the area–twice the suds–twice the soapy FUN!

9. Even during Christmas, there are hospitals that charge $3/day for phone service to your room, even if you're stuck in bed after gallbladder surgery. My future MIL is now out of the hospital and doing great, thanks Gods!

10. Do NOT slam anything into the front part of your cart while arguing with someone on Christmas Eve at Meijer's (think Super Wal-Mart on steroids). I did this, yes–a Smokey Joe grill into a dozen eggs…HARD. Pretty–NOT!

Be excellent to each other, people.

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