Gaseous indiscretions

February 12, 2005 at 3:08 pm (Funny Shit)

This story was brought to mind by a raft of posts on one of my soapmaking discussion lists–on topic, after all, considering there has to be a remedy for massive stenchy farts. Took a few moments out of moving for this one…it's a true story, and was the answer I posted to the list on the subject.

I dated my fiance long-distance–9 hours one way for dates! Since he didn't have his own place, we usually stayed with a friend of his in Flint, MI. This particular friend lived next door to a greasy spoon (Coney Island variety) and saw no reason to actually learn to cook anything but bacon–not eggs and bacon, just bacon. Yeah, his cholesterol sucked, but that's off the subject.
The night before, we'd gone to Chi-Chis (the guys let me pick the restaurant and I love deep-fried ice cream) and during the course of the evening Honey had a margarita, followed by Seafood Cancun. Seems this was a mistake on my part.

The next morning, we were going to the diner for breakfast and headed out the door, me first, sans purse. Nice. Just as the guys were hurrying out of the house (to catch up with me? Hollow laugh) I realized the absense of my purse and went past them to get it.

They did have the good grace to warn me. They really, truly did. Unfortunately, the bulk of the warning was delivered after I reached the living room…which had an odd, emerald-tinged cloud (I'm not kidding, I can get signed, notarized statements backing this up). As I sucked in a breath to ask what in green Hell this was, I caught The Stench.

Yep, turns out Honey shouldn't eat seafood and have tequila at the same time. Apparently my fiance-to-be had farted, realized he'd committed a grave dating error, and hustled his buddy out the door, hoping like hell I wouldn't ever know about the major environmental incident.
Yeah, I'm still going to marry him–this happened about four months before he proposed. Why am I going to marry him? Let's just say he has, um, redeeming qualities, and leave it at that.

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