Asshats will be Asshats, page 1

February 25, 2005 at 3:49 pm (Die Yuppie Scum)

Well, spring hasn't sprung yet, but it's warm here in Michigan. We're having snow in my personal area code, but other parts of MI are having just enough warmth to cook up the top Asshat Outdoorsman stunt: Getting stranded on thin ice.

A soaper I know posted to a list about some folks on Lake Erie (thirty of them, no less) who became stranded on a chunk of ice that broke away from shore and floated out approximately 1/2 mile. To quote the WDIV website and the Associated Press:

"Most of the anglers had to leave behind on the ice their all-terrain vehicles, fishing shanties and the rest of their gear."

Now, what in blue hell possessed these dipshits to not only go out on ice during conditions that anyone with a half-ounce of sense would know are not safe, but to take along their very expensive vroom-vroom toys AND A DOG? I don't know, but I do have some consolation.

Most organizations that are called on to go running after morons like this now have a policy/ordinance/law stating that if stupidity necessitates a rescue, the stupid will pay full costs of same. Since this happened a lot at Half Moon Lake in Eau Claire, the City Council instituted the Dumbass Tax several years ago. The local paper estimated the rescue costs at $3500 per dolt, and the City Council instituted a $2000 fine on top of that.

No word on what happens if you don't pay up after your butt gets saved.

I vote for putting their butts right back where they were found. Take the helicopter used in the rescue with the same men who saved these ungrateful clowns, pick up Duncy McVillageIdiot, tell him off with all due acidity on the way, then just shove his ass out the door. *

*No, I'm not a nice Silly Scented Serra today. Deal.

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