Tales from the Back Door: SPT

May 26, 2005 at 10:31 am (Back Door Tales, Sock Puppet Theater)

Some guys just have a deathwish. Although the guy's not too bright, he does make excellent Sock Puppet Theater.

Tending bar one busy night, watching a drunk, out-of-place kind of guy stumble up to the rail

Me: What can I get you?
Him: A beer and a woman.
Me: You do realize this bar is an alternative lifestyle establishment?
Him: Yeah, but I heard straight women LUV gay men, so…

I let the comment slide, get the silly man a beer and let him go strike out on his own. The story picks up two hours later, after he's apparently asked if there's ANY straight women in the place.

Him: Hi.
Me: Another beer?
Him: Yeah, and your phone number.
Me: Sorry, I'm taken.
Him: I know you're straight.
Me: Yep–straight. And taken. I have a boyfriend.
Him: Yeah, but…
Me: But nothing, dude, I'm not interested. Sorry.

Another hour later, I take a break from the bar and head for the ladies' room…only to find Him following me…closely.

Him: I want YOU, baby!
Me: I'm not your baby and the feeling's not mutual, so…turning to go into the ladies' room
Him: Can I eat you in the bathroom? Preparing to follow me into the ladies' room.

Audible thud as silly motherfucker hits the wall 10 feet away from the bathroom. Wild applause as every woman in the place breaks into cheering!

Curtain.

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