Serra Did a Redneck Thing

August 2, 2005 at 9:05 pm (Daily Dookie)

This post has been getting worked on by fits and starts, so hopefully I have it done now.

About two weeks ago, just before I got sick with this creeping crud deluxe, I did a redneck thing with Honey and H'sMa. One thing I do have to say for both Honey and his mom–when they do the redneck thing, they do it in spades. We spent most of the day doing it and I'm sure our cholesterol shows it–add all four of our scores together and it'd probably make a fabulous SAT score.

Yeah, yeah, I'm getting to the "admitting to the redneck thing" part. Just hold yer damned drawers.

Are you ready for this?

All righty then. The three of use hit not one, not two but THREE bakery thrift stores in ONE day!

It all started because we have two men here who would live on bread alone if allowed to. Adding meats, cheeses and mustard would be the bonus plan, baby, and they'd die happy, the cholesterol swelling their arteries in time to the jingles to Mac And Don's Supper Club and Booger King, played backwards, with the hidden phrase "We put lard in everything" causing a double-jump inside those tortured vessels.

We couldn't stop after one, oh hell no! We couldn't just stick to buying the bread that gets eaten out of house and home either, no fucking way. We got English muffins, bagels, oatmeal raisin cookies, danishes of every description, a couple dozen cream cheese muffins, jam, mixes for ten different gravies, sauces, and biscuits (never mind that we also bought 20 or 30 actual, already-made biscuits), and we would have left Awrey's with a half-sheet cake if I'd had another $1.20.

The worst part?

We're out of fucking bread.


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