Suggestions, Please!

February 21, 2006 at 9:12 pm (Daily Dookie)

As those who know me well know, I hate the dentist. It is not the simple, “ooh, that drill’s really annoying and so is the burny smell,” hatred. It’s the “I once had an assbag dentist who thought shoving a bitewing x-ray pad directly into an abcessed tooth was a brilliant idea. It took everything I had not to mutilate his genitalia,” hatred. Thanks to this guy and a couple others, I now panic anytime I need anything dental done. Like now, when I have an abcessed tooth.

But I’m not going, mostly because I don’t have an assload of spare cash to hand someone to pull the two teeth fucking with me right now. One side has an abcess; the other has a cracked tooth. Around here, that’s likely $500, just enough to pay the shitsmear’s course fees for the month and enough left over to give his mistress a new bustier for him to tear off while whimpering, “Mommy, mommy.”

Meanwhile, I do know a few strategies, a couple of which the FDA Nazis wouldn’t approve of, so am employing those. They’re working, slowly. Meanwhile, I’m living on tomato soup, Instant Breakfast, fake mashed potatoes, chocolate pudding (fat-free, and not by choice–someone fuckered up getting pudding for me), and other low-impact munchies.

I must add here that I’m getting seriously fucking tired of tomato soup, Instant Breakfast, fakeme taters, puddin’ (yes, ESC, it’s possible to get sick of it) and the other low-chew-quotient foods. So, I’m opening this post’s comments up for suggestions. Keep in mind that I’m bitchier than usual, so smartasses may find themselves shitcanned should they choose this point in time to blow me shit.

Yes, Ian, that means you. You’re included too, as are you, you and you.

No, I didn’t forget you–you’re just too nice to pick on my sorry ass right now, right?

RIGHT?

That’s what I thought.

So–give me ideas on what to eat. I got so desperate for something else to eat today that I made the mistake of trying to eat a carrot muffin. Damn, walnuts hurt when you’re not expecting them.

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