N-V-T-S Nuts

April 10, 2006 at 8:04 am (The Enlightening Ones)

Well, it’s been a weird week.

The Inquisition (Let’s begin)
The Inquisition (Look out sin)
We have a mission to convert the Jews (Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew)

It’s been tense here at home–HsMa doing strange things like, “Here’s a romance novel–you should like this.” Uh, I’d rather sodomize myself with a rose bush than read a romance novel, so I politely turned it down (yes, it’s possible for me to be polite–piss off!). This resulted in a snit lasting two days, from HER. Hello? Dictating my reading choices means I should be the pissy one.

Confess, don’t be boring.
Say yes, don’t be dull.
A fact you’re ignoring:
It’s better to lose your skull cap than your skull (Oye Gevalt!)

Let’s see, she dictates that I should read something I haven’t touched ever since I found the Harold Robbins section at the library when I was 11 and SHE’s pissed? It didn’t help that I’m craving red meat and salt while my teeth give me another case of the fits (PMS blows), meaning I couldn’t chew anything she’s cooked in three days, adding to both her snit and my deep desire to check into a hotel.

Hell, there’s an old AirStream trailer in the backyard–if I didn’t already know that it has enough wildlife living in it to earn it a designation as a rodent sanctuary I’d be tempted to hook up a propane tank and move the hell in. It even has a kitchenette, so with some cleaning and a nice extension cord to the house I could probably soap out there if it weren’t for the critters. Granted that it’s packed with excess stuff as only a pack rat can stuff it, but the lawn’s big and I’m desperate for some soaping time.

Will you convert? “No, no, no, no.”
Will you confess? “No, no, no, no.”
Will you revert? “No, no, no, no.”
Will you say yes? “No, no, no, no!”

Speaking of which, is it me or is it just mean to walk in and announce, “Serra, I got an order for you for something you can’t make because there’s no room, and it’s something you make quite a lot of money from!”

I think it’s mean. Honey doesn’t get it.

Maybe he would if I sewed him into his bedsheets and beat him with a cast iron skillet.

Chorus: Hey, Torquemada, whadaya say?
Torq: I just got back from the auto-da-fe.
Chorus: Auto-da-fey, what’s an auto-da-fe?
Torq: It’s what you oughtn’t to do but you do anyway.

All this weekend I had the weirdest song stuck in my head, giving the insanity surrounding me a surreal soundtrack. Having “The Inquisition” from History of the World Part I as background music was just enough to make me hunt for the number for this county’s Community Mental Health office.

We know you’re wishin’ that we’d go away.
But the Inquisition’s here and it’s here to stay!


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