April 27, 2006 at 1:18 pm (Fuck off and Die Thursday, The Enlightening Ones)

I know the saying goes, "Don't hate the player–hate the game" but sometimes the players need slapping. This first "Fuck off and Die Thursday" post is for a player I've ranted about plenty, H'sMa. This past week has been annoying and smelly and haven't had a decent shower in a month, topped off with no shower at all since Sunday. Ew, ew and ew.

The last few showers I've had have been all too brief–within a minute of starting the hot water, it began to run cooler, until within 5 minutes my shivering fat ass was cussing the cold water required to rinse my long-assed hair. "You don't need to be in there forever," was her first judgement on the matter. Forever? Who the fuck said anything about forever–there isn't even time to wash and condition my HAIR, let alone tend to items on the bonus plan, like snootch-washing and pit-shaving…rolling eyes. This oh-so-productive horseshit went on for a month, lasting until the old bat finally took a shower herself.

Yep, a full month later. I don't want to think about it.

She emerged from her shower late last week musing, "Hm, I guess there might be something wrong–I didn't get a full shower either." Riiiiiiight. I had nothing better to bitch about than a hot water source because why? Are we forgetting the fact that I desperately need to get a car back on the road, but you won't let me work my only source of fucking income? Well, one of us hasn't forgotten and will be paying your sorry ass back very soon.

So, for that first reason, FUCK OFF AND DIE.

Once she'd discussed it with two men who apparently just get in the shower, get wet, pretend to wash their hair and leave the shower within 30 seconds, the three brillant motherhumpers I live with have finally decided that maybe, perhaps, someone should be called.

Shit, it only took a month of my bitching a blue streak during and after every shower to make it happen. How nice.


Another generous FUCK OFF AND DIE for deciding the first guy was too high on his estimate on Monday to be allowed to put in a new water heater, then spending only $50 less to get to spend another $300 besides to install the heater you picked out at a home store (the one the first guy brought would have had NO extra install because they get their cut when they markup the one they sell you, stupid bitch), THEN deciding the SECOND guy couldn't do the job either, ultimately spending nearly $1500 to have work that the FIRST guy was willing to do and guarantee for less than half that amount!

I cannot wait for the day I may say those words aloud that troll inside my head, but for now this will have to do:

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And now, I'm off to reaquire the poshly-scented ass I'm known and loved for.



UPDATE: I am still not back to posh scentedness–there is a leak in one of the pipes leading to the new heater, so we still have no hot water and I am still showerless. Pisses me off, because yesterday in a bunch of soap I found a bar of my very own White Tea soap! Can't wait to use it–White Tea is another one I made bunches of but seldom got any due to its popularity.



  1. vanessa said,

    Sounds like a great living arrangement, not.

    We just replaced our water heater for $250.00. She got a bargain. Smooth move.

  2. MoeThatsMe said,

    I love FOADT – goes very nicely with SHIT (Sure Happy It’s Thursday) Day.

    Thinkin’ WARM, hell HOT – shower thoughts for you lady! May you be soundly scented in no time!

  3. Vince said,

    That’s just crazy. Try to save a small amount of change and you end up spending huge. It usually pays in the long run to pay a little bit more to make sure you get somebody good to do the job.

    That’s what you get for being cheap.

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