SPT: What part…

May 1, 2006 at 4:38 pm (Sock Puppet Theater, The Enlightening Ones)

…of "Mind your own fucking business," does H'sMa NOT understand? I'll tell you about the afternoon before she blessedly tottered out of the house, and perhaps you can tell me.


Serra: Is there any chicken salad left?

H'sMa: Yeah, sure–it's in the fridge…makes getting-up noise.

S: No, don't get up, I'll get it myself.

HM: Can't understand fucking English and comes into the kitchen, begins puttering in the fridge…well, I can't tell one kind from the other, you know Garand didn't want onions in his…

S: Wishing she could just tell her to…wait, she can! Just go sit down, I'll get it.

HM: Ignoring S…just mix these with the stuff Honey brought home.

S: Noting that Honey brought home Krab Shit Nuggies and thinks he really shouldn't have, really…Really, just let me…

HM: And if you need Miracle Whip…

S: I've lived here for almost a year. I think I can find everything I need.

HM: Still hanging out of the fridge, mumblings unintelligible.

S: Tries to ignore large ass hanging out of fridge until she needs to get in there herself. Um, H'sMa, I need to get in there.

HM: What do you need?

S: I need to get in the fridge, like I just said I did.

Repeat last two sentences until HM shrugs and goes away, while S bites back progressively nastier comebacks, such as, "Did I fucking stutter?" "I said twenty minutes ago I'd do this myself." "Fucking MOVE already!" and the ever popular, "What part of 'Let me in the fucking REFRIGERATOR did you not understand?'"

STATS:

Number of minutes of pure peace while H'sMa was gone: 18, all too few.

Number of times in and out to the car because X item was left in there: 3

Number of times in and out of the room I'm in "just because": 7

Number of additional times for something I might actually want to talk to her about: 1

Number of quick window switches made while writing this five-minute post, due to annoying popping in and out: 11

Number of times a day I dream of living elsewhere, with folk I can stand the sight of: 23

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8 Comments

  1. Deb_LA said,

    Seriously, everytime I read a post about your MIL like this, I wonder how the hell you haven’t gone out of your mind.

  2. vanessa said,

    I’m am ever grateful mine lives way far away. I bleed for you.

  3. Vince said,

    You so need to get out of there. You have my deepest sympathy.

  4. Nunya said,

    Even if I were still married, there’s no damn way I’d ever agree to having my MIL live with me. The way you describe it was how I felt when my ex still lived here, lol. I just wanted him OUT! Hang in there.

  5. Serra said,

    Deb_LA–I wonder why I haven’t too, then I wonder if I did and just missed when it happened.

    Vanessa–Wish mine did.

    Vince–I totally agree, and thank you.

    Nunya–I live in her house, which makes it all the worse.

  6. MoeThatsMe said,

    HUGS

  7. Nunya said,

    Oh shit. I didn’t realize. Well, I’d prefer living in a cardboard box than having to deal with that, lol. Still, keep your chin up and think evil thoughts.

  8. Moocow said,

    Yeesh. That’s something that I don’t think even sock puppets can make better.

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