May 4, 2006 at 9:18 am (Fuck off and Die Thursday)

Once again it's Fuck off and Die Thursday, and yesterday's run around Southeastern Michigan highlighted why I've picked this week's winner as I have. Nowhere else that I have ever driven (and that's a lot of places considering my stint as a courier) is so full of drivers with such an attitude of entitlement, self-importance and utter disregard for the fact that indeed they do NOT own the Dog-damned road.

So, to the drivers in SE MI–FUCK OFF AND DIE!

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YOU–Yes, YOU there–the lady in the RAV 4 with the cellphone glued to your ear! Where in Hell did you get the idea that the correct way through the intersection is turning left from the FAR right lane? Where's a fucking cop when you need one?

Oh…there's the cop, over there at Dunkin' Donuts. Nice–I just love to see my tax dollars at work.

Both of you can FUCK OFF AND DIE.

YOU–in the ugly, crackerbox-looking convertible (what the fuck IS that thing anyhow?). I don't care how pretty you think you are, putting makeup on in traffic just makes you look dumber than a box of rocks.

And, of course, results in invitations to FUCK OFF AND DIE.

And YOU–over there, in the rustbucket Buick that doesn't have an operating set of tail lights! It's too bad Michigan doesn't have an inspection system, because then you'd be screwed and wouldn't be able to cut me off when you change lanes. You really shouldn't have flipped me the bird either. That cop over at Dunkin' Donuts? He saw both the cutoff and the flip-off, and he's invited you over for a nice chat. I'm betting it's not a congratulations on telling that fat bitch off either. Sometimes there is a cop around when you need one.


That's just from one stop's negotiations yesterday–I could go on but it's more of the same dumbassed stunts, one right after the other. The best way to sum it all up is just one great big




  1. monabuonanotte said,

    I want one of those spinning red lights to put on my car like, who, Starsky and Hutch?, used to do, pretend I’m a cop, and pull over some those a-holes in southern Michigan. Citizen’s arrests are legal, arent’t they?

  2. Vince said,

    Stupid drivers make me crazy. While I’ll admit I sometimes pull a bonehead move, or get a little aggressive when I’m angry, but when people do things like go on the shoulder of an exit ramp to pass me at 80 MPH, it makes you wonder why natural selection is a little more discriminating.

  3. vanessa said,

    I always wanted a car that spit out oil and tacks and had knives that came out of the sides. I’d show them drivers what for. And it would be so much more satisfying to say Fuck Off and Die as I blew tires everywhere I went.

  4. Blair Bitch said,

    I can SO relate! There are some really tard drivers on the roads these days. I always say to myself when someone’s just cut me off or purposefully speeds up when they see my turn signal so I can’t merge into another lane, that if I were a cop, I’d pull their asses over!

  5. se7endog said,

    Only on Thursdays? I try to have Fuck Off and Die day everyday of the week! weeee!! =)

  6. LisaBinDaCity said,

    What a riot, I screamed at other drivers in traffic for a solid hour yesterday. If only I had known it was Fuck Off and Die Thursday I would have felt even more justified!!!

  7. apos said,

    okay sorry i was just cracking up at the “fuck off and die” part.

    now daamn that’s a blogging ring i want…no i NEED to belong to.

    too bloody funny.

  8. The Ultimate Groupie said,

    Where I live, they are talking about banning talking on cell phones while driving. I think it’s a good idea; there are so many incompetent drivers out there, and on top of that, they are glued to the phone. I think the reason why it’s so difficult to pass such a law is the question of where does it end? Is putting makeup on in the car bad too? Or how about reading in your purse to grab something. If the argument is that cell phones are distractions, so is a lot of other things.

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