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The Skinny

May 6, 2006 at 10:14 am (Hellos and Goodbyes)

I moved this blog because I saw something coming that I was fighting tooth and nail to avoid, but I can’t anymore.

I gave Honey back his engagement ring and ended the relationship, last night.

Both old blogs are deleted because he knows the locations. I’m in the position of having to move back to Wisconsin, with no money and no car. Needless to say, his mom is making an impossible situation pure hell, so I can’t expect help from her (and I can’t say that I expect any).

I’ll post more when I have it in me to do so.

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Archives Moved

April 26, 2006 at 11:34 am (Hellos and Goodbyes)

All righty, I sucked up my nerve and moved all the archives and posts over. Don’t know if there are any issues yet, but will get them corrected as I am able.

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Serra’s FAQ

April 24, 2006 at 10:52 am (Hellos and Goodbyes)

It’s occurred to me that there’s a lot of readers that are relatively new here, so I think it might be time for a quick FAQ.

Who the hell is Serra anyhow?

Well, Serra’s a soapmaker living in Southeastern Michigan who currently shares space with several people, two great dogs and a snobby kittycat. The animals are great; the people are really, uh, what’s the word Beo used to use when discussing a total pain in the ass at work? Oh–enlightening! Yes, they’re…enlightening.

What is a Serra anyhow? Why’s this silly bitch using the nickname?

Serra’s short for the name of a crack-coated–I mean, gorgeous collectible game card called Serra Angel. Since the angel’s not really appropriate for me, I shorten it to Serra. Here’s the card:

Image hosting by Photobucket

Pretty, right? Well, I’m not blonde and I have a rapier, not a broadsword, but I’ve got a better rack than the card too, so I guess it evens out.

Who are the Enlightening Ones? Here’s a quick cast of characters:

Honey: Serra’s long-suffering fiance, an out-of-work automotive engineer (Hear that, Ford? Your outsourcing your design shit HURTS here at HOME–knock it the fuck off already! You have to keep getting everything redone anyhow, so why even do it?) who’s currently woefully underemployed. There’s always hope tho and any serious inquiries into hiring this skilled engineer can email moi and I’ll be happy to send it along.

H’sMa: Honey’s mom and my future Mother-In-Law. Before having to live with her the relationship was mild and mellow and liveable. After nearly a year under the same roof I’ve learned to watch what I eat, say what I have to say loudly and repeatedly, and to fully expect to be gossiped about in my own living space and misquoted out the wazoo. Have I mentioned that I highly dislike yelling, repeating myself, gossipmongers and idiots who don’t get the facts straight when they’re just unable to behave like normal folk and just MUST talk behind someone’s back?

Garand: Resident future brother-in-law and King of Porno, SE Michigan region. This is the guy the movie “The 40 Year Old Virgin” was based on, and he has no chance of changing it even if he should walk down 8 Mile with $500 in one hand and a bag of crack in the other. His habits are slovenly, his money all goes to feed his collections of books, DVDs and porn, and he’s not very nice to his mom. I’ve considered fixing this guy up with friends, but there’s no one I dislike that much.

Your Psychic Fiend: She’s the uber-bitch that lives in my head. She’s a seer whose gift has turned her into a seriously intolerant, non-PC, stubborn, nasty individual. I don’t let her out to play much; when I do, she usually winds up squelched in some elegantly nasty manner as punishment for insulting my friends and family.

Who are Serra’s saving graces?

Beow0l|=: AKA BeoJavBoBeoJavBoBeoJav, is one Serra’s brothers, a nice unique individual living somewhere in the Twin Cities area. It’s not possible to thoroughly describe this great guy so I won’t try–just read me and you’ll learn. His blog link will also someday appear in the sidebar, soon as I figure out how to work WordPress well enough to do so.

Ghost: AKA Ghostie, Phantom, the GhostMeister, is the younger of Serra’s two brothers. Describing him also takes forever since I love him so much. He recently relocated close enough for me to spend time with him and it’s been wonderful for her disposition and mental health.

BooBoo: Ghostie’s girlfriend, a Michigan native. I don’t know how they met or why someone so nice is willing to put up with the younger brother I only let live because it wasn’t legal to take him into the woods and leave him there, but I’m glad she does.

Various other friends’ names will be explained as they occur.

Why does Serra blog?

Because it saves the lives of those around her. I’m 600 miles away from my nearest family, have no car, my hobbies taken because I have so little room to work (after being promised that I’d be able to), I’m not currently on medication (perhaps I should be but it’s so hard to tell who the nuts are in this house that I think it’s crap that I’d have to take pills because THEY’RE the whackos) and blogging is cheaper than psychotherapy.

Why all the profanity?

Life is profane at times, whether or not four-letter words are used. While I do have an excellent vocabulary, there are times where one just MUST say, “Fuck you, the horse you rode in on, the brother who looks like you and your little fucking kick-me dog too!”

I think that’s enough for now–do feel free to check the archives out and comment anytime. I as always reserve the right to tell you you’re full of shit, and if you’re full of shit in a very annoying manner I’ll delete and ban your comment. This doesn’t mean I’ll ban those who disagree. It does mean I’ll ban those who are tedious, annoying, inaccurate or otherwise abusing the privilege of commenting here.

Thanks for stopping by!

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Brace Yourself

April 24, 2006 at 12:52 am (Hellos and Goodbyes)

Hiya everyone! I’m Serra, and this is the future location of the blog known as Whiplash Smile, late of Blogger fame.

To those who don’t know me, I post a warning. This is the playground of a very very naughty inner child, one who most do not find fuzzy, warm and happy. Whiplash Smile in any incarnation is usually inappropriate, politically incorrect, NSFW, FTW, ESAD, and any other acronym denoting things needing warnings. This incarnation will be no different.

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FAQ

March 21, 2006 at 10:23 am (Hellos and Goodbyes, Other Bloggers, The Enlightening Ones)

It’s occurred to me that there’s a lot of readers that are relatively new here, so I think it might be time for a quick FAQ.

Who the hell is Serra anyhow?

Well, Serra’s a soapmaker living in Southeastern Michigan who currently shares space with several people, two great dogs and a snobby kittycat. The animals are great; the people are really, uh, what’s the word Beo used to use when discussing a total pain in the ass at work? Oh–enlightening! Yes, they’re…enlightening.

What is a Serra anyhow? Why’s this silly bitch using the nickname?

Serra’s short for the name of a crack-coated–I mean, gorgeous collectible game card called Serra Angel. Since the angel’s not really appropriate for me, I shorten it to Serra. Here’s the card:

Image hosting by Photobucket

Pretty, right? Well, I’m not blonde and I have a rapier, not a broadsword, but I’ve got a better rack than the card too, so I guess it evens out.

Who are the Enlightening Ones?

Here’s a quick cast of characters:

Honey: Serra’s long-suffering fiance, an out-of-work automotive engineer (Hear that, Ford? Your outsourcing your design shit HURTS here at HOME–knock it the fuck off already! You have to keep getting everything redone anyhow, so why even do it?) who’s currently woefully underemployed. There’s always hope tho and any serious inquiries into hiring this skilled engineer can email moi and I’ll be happy to send it along.

H’sMa: Honey’s mom and my future Mother-In-Law. Before having to live with her the relationship was mild and mellow and liveable. After nine months under the same roof I’ve learned to watch what I eat, say what I have to say loudly and repeatedly, and to fully expect to be gossiped about in my own living space and misquoted out the wazoo. Have I mentioned that I highly dislike yelling, repeating myself, gossipmongers and idiots who don’t get the facts straight when they’re just unable to behave like normal folk and just MUST talk behind someone’s back?

Garand: Resident future brother-in-law and King of Porno, SE Michigan region. This is the guy the movie “The 40 Year Old Virgin” was based on, and he has no chance of changing it even if he should walk down 8 Mile with $500 in one hand and a bag of crack in the other. His habits are slovenly, his money all goes to feed his collections of books, DVDs and porn, and he’s not very nice to his mom. I’ve considered fixing this guy up with friends, but there’s no one I dislike that much.

Your Psychic Fiend: She’s the uber-bitch that lives in my head. She’s a seer whose gift has turned her into a seriously intolerant, non-PC, stubborn, nasty individual. I don’t let her out to play much; when I do, she usually winds up squelched in some elegantly nasty manner as punishment for insulting my friends and family.

Why does Serra blog?

Because it saves the lives of those around her. I’m 600 miles away from my nearest family, have no car, my hobbies taken because I have so little room to work (after being promised that I’d be able to), I’m not currently on medication (perhaps I should be but it’s so hard to tell who the nuts are in this house that I think it’s crap that I’d have to take pills because THEY’RE the whackos) and blogging is cheaper than psychotherapy.

Why all the profanity?

Life is profane at times, whether or not four-letter words are used. While I do have an excellent vocabulary, there are times where one just MUST say, “Fuck you, the horse you rode in on, the brother who looks like you and your little fucking kick-me dog too!”

I think that’s enough for now–do feel free to check the archives out and comment anytime. I as always reserve the right to tell you you’re full of shit, and if you’re full of shit in a very annoying manner I’ll delete and ban your comment. This doesn’t mean I’ll ban those who disagree. It does mean I’ll ban those who are tedious, annoying, inaccurate or otherwise abusing the privilege I pay for when I provide a nifty comment medium to go with the blog.

Thanks for stopping by!

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Sayonara, Mooch-acha

November 28, 2005 at 4:08 pm (Hellos and Goodbyes)

As we speak, Matt Millen, organization President and CEO, is holding a press conference to announce the end of Steve Mariucci's reign as head coach of the Detroit Lions.

I have three words for this:

About

Dog-Damned

TIME!

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Milestone

November 15, 2005 at 9:10 am (Hellos and Goodbyes)

Believe it or not, Gentle Reader, we’re coming up on 10,000 hits here! I’ll give a shout-out and blog review to the 10,000th reader, if I can figure out who it is from the Site Meter info.

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Cheated Death, Stole Life

November 13, 2005 at 6:40 pm (Hellos and Goodbyes)

WWE wrestler Eddie Guerrero was discovered dead this morning in his hotel room in Minneapolis. While details are sketchy to those of us who still don't have computer speakers, word is he died of a heart attack. Not that the details matter–I loved watching this guy at work and I will miss being able to do it now.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

WWE website, with video of the announcement.

Rest in Peace.

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Apology to My Blog

July 20, 2005 at 3:44 pm (Hellos and Goodbyes)

Dearest Whiplash Smile Blog,

I'm very very sorry, but I just had to do it.

I had to start working with a second blog.

You already know the reason–you know how many complaints I've had from folks who want to see a product listing or picture or sale that I've listed on this blog only to object to the other content here.

I'll always love you and you'll get just as much attention as you have always had. The only change is you won't have FO overstocks, incense co-ops or pictures of my goodies posted on you any more.

If you want to know where to find the new blog, it's at Scented Business.

I'm so sorry,
Silly Scented Serra

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Tulip

May 13, 2005 at 8:57 pm (Hellos and Goodbyes)

I never picked the tulips in the flowerbed along the front of the house. Occasionally I picked the daffodils in the circle garden in the middle of the front lawn, and I always, always picked the lilacs from the huge bush at the corner of our lot. I only liked one of the tulips there anyhow–I hadn't picked the flowers out, so the red and yellow tulips surrounded by tiny grape hyacinth weren't my idea of beauty. It always reminded me of a kindergarten classroom, all colors that would have names next to them. I was always told tulips didn't have a scent, so I saw no reason to decorate the house with them, preferring to leave them outside.

This last trip to the house was different. I never knew how the deep, deep pink tulip got in amongst the nursery school setup in that bed, since the house's former owner planted it long before Honey bought the house for us to live in, back in May 2000. But there it was every spring, standing elegantly, its slightly ruffled petals standing out in the Barneyland of the bed I'd always intended to dig up and replant with something else, lavender or perhaps more of the same type of tulip since that color was so different from the ones around it.

Yesterday, though, I picked the tulip.

It came up this year while the reds and yellows didn't, once again standing high and proud, a diamond amongst the shit. After I'd yelled that enough was enough, we were fucking DONE in this place and it was time to go home, I bent to the bed and reached to where the single leaf on the stem began to stretch itself out in the springtime sun. I plucked it, letting a thumbnail part one piece of stem from the rest. Straightening, I hobbled to the car, back once again done in by the strain of packing up my life.

I studied the flower–already the petals were protesting the separation from the bulb and leaves supporting its majesty by cringing close on itself ever so slightly against the rudeness I'd finally brought myself to commit. The black car was close and hot, so the open door provided just enough breeze for me to smell the freshness in my hand.

The petals weren't solid-colored; the dusky rose was streaked with the tiniest pinstripes I'd ever seen in my life, delicate white against the magenta. Peering inside, even in the heat of the day, I saw a single droplet of water on nearly every one of the seven petals, hanging by an invisible adhesive, quivering as a delicate touch moved them aside so I could peer into the inside yet remaining exactly where it'd been the entire time I'd puzzled the tulip's mysteries. I spent about ten minutes studying the flower, reveling in the delicate beauty I'd only now dared to disturb.

Filthy from digging through the remnants of a life I was about to leave, I stroked the cool, tender petal against my cheek, reveling in the sweetness so close on a day so awful. The tulip would be a beauty coming from the maelstrom of garbage surrounding the last three years. A movement in the corner of my eye distracted me–Honey reached for the car door, ready to leave this last time.

With a quick movement, my hand grasped the soft head of the flower, separating petals, pistils, stamens, and pollen from the light green stem. One toss scattered the deep pink across the driveway, fluttering to the concrete, soundless against the drone coming from the highway 500 yards away. I didn't want to look at the flower in my new room, Honey's old room. I didn't want to picture that flower as it had grown every spring in that atrocious flowerbed that I never liked, but wasn't physically able to do anything about. I had my memory of the bloom in my hand. I had the last ten minutes of minute detail as I'd tried so hard not to release the tears I'd been fighting off for the last nine months–I didn't need anything more.

The incredible, delicate scent of the tulip decorated my hand all the way back to Honey's mother's house.

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The Bitch is Back!

May 9, 2005 at 9:44 am (Hellos and Goodbyes)

Well, the exile from the Internet is nearly over–this computer is online on the new cable connection and the others will be as well once I puzzle out the router, which will hopefully be tonight. The last several days have totally sucked except for the bright spot of my future mother in law and Garand, my future brother in law–both have been stellar (yeah, I actually use that word, which inspired this art (look for Serra's prize) from Stephen at RCBC.

Well, after posting yesterday, I was told my desk was coming in the house but wouldn't be set up. Half an hour later there are two sweaty men setting the desk up! Nice! I can get behind this…Honey was one of the guys so that's not a hard thing to watch…men working…

Once they finished, of course I just had to get my happy ass in gear and get the cable modem working on one computer so I could get the others online as well–that should happen as soon as I find a driver for Garand's NIC card–trouble is, Dude has a Dell and I know little about them, so it'll be, um, enlightening trying to make it go vroom.

Posting's still going to be spotty but I'll put in some extra time once my shit's back together.

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Where’s SSS?

May 8, 2005 at 6:47 pm (Hellos and Goodbyes)

Heya folks,
I'm stealing time on Garand's (Honey's brother) computer just to come say, "Hi, no I'm not lost, we got the 'GET OUT' command and are nearly out now. My computer sits at my feet, waiting for connection to power and router (NO fuckin' idea how I'll do that) and I'll be back to my bitchy self soon as all's done"

Oh, btw–No, I'm not lost, yada yada yada. I expect to be back online within 3-5 days, courtesy of screamin' fast cable. It's connected but my desk is in pieces in the back yard and the beagle…HEY!! Don't piss on my MONITOR, ya fat bitch!

Dammit!

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Blogging Holiday

April 11, 2005 at 11:57 pm (Hellos and Goodbyes)

Due to the move, I’m not going to be able to blog for a bit. We’re out of here Thursday, I’m nowhere near packed and I don’t know when we’ll be hooked up again online.

Hugs to all and see you soon,
Silly Scented Serra

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Moving, argh!

February 7, 2005 at 11:52 pm (Hellos and Goodbyes)

Yep, we're moving, Honey and I.

I had really hoped this last move, from Wisconsin to Michigan, into a house of our own, would be the last. It would have been if not for the economic climate that has a man capable of designing cars doing other work. Unfortunately, that's now how it's worked out, so we are indeed moving to temporary quarters with my future mother-in-law.

No, I'm not happy about it, I don't know how long we'll be in temporary housing, and the whole thing is making me foodless, sleepless, anxiety-ridden and scared to death.

I will get back up and running by March 1, hopefully a whole lot sooner than that. Anything pending now will be shipped before Friday.

I'm disabling comments for this post. I really don't want to talk about this yet–I have several drafts written but none come close to how desolate I really feel about all this. Until I can hash it all out myself I won't be able to talk about it anywhere else, not even here.

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ScentedStuff–Welcome~

December 7, 2004 at 5:57 pm (Hellos and Goodbyes)

Hiya, Scent Fiends!!

I’m Serra, and if it smells I make it! Feel free to use the blog; however, there’s a few simple rules:

1. NO ADS–No way, no how, not ever, not even from ME!! I feel this is the best, fairest way to deal with the issue! THIS DOES INDEED INCLUDE ALL FUNDRAISERS AND NON PROFIT DONATION REQUESTS!

2. If you can’t prove it, don’t post it! Period. Hearsay is not allowed when it comes either to instructions, cautions, directions, warnings about use of chemicals, ANYTHING.

3. No flaming. This blog is designed for adults. Act like one or be gone.

4. I am specifically NOT making rules about foul language or political correctness. Such things have their place.
This is MY place.
Consider this notice that PC does NOT live here!

5. Since this is indeed MY place, I reserve the right to edit or remove posts. I will not answer questions on why posts were removed. I will not tolerate crap here, and the definition of crap is such that I am the sole judge of its definition as it applies to a given post. I’m not a Nazi, so don’t take this as such. But do note that this blog is a dictatorship.
You’ve been warned.

If you don’t like the rules, start yer own blog.

Thanks and have fun,
Deb
Serra
(whatever is printable in the list of names for me this week)

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