Ask Your Psychic Fiend Friday: The Breathing Jello Version

August 10, 2005 at 1:46 pm (Your Psychic Fiend)

Hi, everyone,

Now that I'm mostly caught up, YPF is going to be given a SHORT chance to answer last week's YPF questions. It'll be short for two reasons:

1. I have to post the entry for this week's questions later tonight already again

2. Bitch thought hitting me was a good idea

If she behaves herself, I'll let her have more time answering this week's questions. It's all a matter of how she behaves answering this set. So, on with the show:

Hi y'all–it's YPF time again, and here's a short version of last week's Ask Your Psychic Fiend. And Serra, darling, light of my life–I'm soooo sorry for smacking you.

But it's all your fault.

Anyhoo, questions and answers:

Celti's question is:

Dear Psychic Fiend,
Will I EVER be freakin' satisfied?

oh…and you said "booger"

Unusual question, but YPF will aim to please as always.

Answer: It could take converted power tools, but yes, you will eventually be freakin' satisfied, ya booger. There–I said it again.

Mona has a question too–good to see you Mona and Serra still wants to know where you got the Japanese silk handcuffs!

Dear Psychic Fiend,

I'm getting my first ever tattoo tonight, and I'm wondering…will I enjoy the tattoo so much that I'll want another one, or will I enjoy the PAIN so much that I keep getting them and getting them?

Just curious,


Answer: Considering that you've already gotten that stunning bee on your shoulder, you know the answer. Serra says it's not the kind of pain she thinks anyone would get into, but hanging from hooks embedded in her skin isn't her idea of a good time either. But, of course, to each their own.

Mr. K visited us here too:

How will my future grandchildren react when I explain to them what blogging was? You know, back in the days before the Brainernet?

Answer: You're not going to need to 'splain this one, Oh Loosey Teacher Man, because you'll be too busy asking them how to do that cyber-mindmeld version they've replaced blogging with.

AliceBabylon visited again–Serra really wishes she could remember the cool Japanese Alice teaches everyone on that blog, but her brain's such a damned sieve she has trouble with the English words those Japanese words really mean.

Dear Psychic Fiend,
As a follow up to last week's question, will I be able to teach my Faithful Fido to sniff out Too Friendly's Viagra Stash, so that it can be properly disposed of?

Answer: Nah, Fido isn't too much into it. Those spiders do know the way to Too Friendly's stash–they're using it to help increase population and thereby take over the world. It's making them all blind, but they figure in their new, ideal world, humans will be their slaves and will guide them around like little German Shepherds, harnesses and all.

Mike the midwest_hick came back for another round of snark:

Dear Psychic Fiend,
Do you see a maid in my future…and if so….will I be paying extra for her to wear a french maid outfit?

Answer: There's a picture of Rachael Ray from Food TV circulating, where she's bending over an oven dressed in a french maid's outfit. (YPF will have Serra post it if she can find a copy) Until you remember the PIN for one of your ATM cards, however, you'll have to make do with that pic. Real women who dress that way are very expensive and don't take credit cards or checks.

Since VG thinks calling Serra a biotch is a good way to get answers to his questions, YPF be skipping his question this week. VG, quit being rude and YPF will show you the light once again.

Se7en, the man who makes this blog look hotter than it really is, did finally ask YPF the question making his life miserable:

O O O!!! I have one!! I lost my car keys somewhere INSIDE my house 2 weeks ago, can you pleeze pleeze tell them to find their way back to my pocket again?

I would be ever so grateful!!

thank you!

Answer: Se7en, check:

1. Your dish drainer
2. Your freezer
3. That crow that hangs around your place

If that doesn't work, YPF'll have to whip out the major mojo and check again.

Seamus is asking one of them odd questions again, but since he claims he's serious, YPF will take a shot:

Dear Psychic Fiend,
I had/have a very serious question, but I can't find it – could you please answer it anyway??? (yes I'm serious)

Answer: Seamus, YPF can't find the question either. But the answer is puppy treats, ok? Hugs for you and scritches fer the Bufflepup.

Michael had one too:

Dear Psychic Friend,

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Answer: It says, "Snootches!"

The newly-mobile Ian (if you don't know what I mean, you missed his posts, so click his name and go see his blog!) has a great one. Ian, I know you posted it today, but it's on the last batch of questions so I'm hooking you up in plenty of time to deal with the answer:

Dear Psychic Friend,

u know my bday is coming…
what tha hell am i supossed to do then? a meeting on my house, making all my frends come to suburb hell or a cold meting at some downtown pub where I gotta face the fact that i can´t afford that kind of life anymore?

Answer: Serra says she thinks she's seen TV shows about Argentinian barbeques, outside, with lots of drinks, chimichurri (?sp), and lots of meat! That can't ever be a bad way to celebrate your birthday, and maybe by September it'll be nice and warm/cool/just right for a party outdoors! Find a nice place, recruit a good cook, invite the gang and the gang's gang, and leave out that bitch who didn't deserve to be married to your gorgeous ass!

Well, Serra's mad that YPF is hogging the blogging again, so have a great day and remember there'll be another round of Ask YPF on the usual day, or YPF'll have to smack a bitch AGAIN.


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