Thank you!
BIG thanks to TNChick, both for picking me the winner for her caption contest at Easter, and for the excellent prize! Here’s a pic:
To see the picture I captioned, look here. Here’s the announcement and my winning entry.
Yummay! I’m wearing the ankle bracelet, have begun the scarfing process on the excellent chocolates (I love Ghiradelli) and am impatiently awaiting the arrival of my Blogger Review Pack from BocaJava, which according to my UPS tracking info should have itself here soon as the UPS man shags his ass over here to give it to me!
Thanks TONS, TNChick! I really love it all 🙂 The ankle bracelet even FITS (most don’t)!
Excellent Reading
I’m not into soap operas. Not. Interested. Don’t watch them, don’t read them, not into them. Not heavily into celebrity gossip and dirt either. I’ve made an exception for this series tho–the subject matter is excellent, the writing rocks and it’s a far cry from bullshit like books from most celebs. The story, from the blog My Boring Ass Life, though, is an exception to the rule. It tends to read like a soap because of the subject matter and the time period covered, but it’s been the best use of reading time I’ve run into in a long time.
Me and My Shadow Pt. 9 *Just found*
The story is about Jason Mewes, star of several of Kevin Smith’s movies and his longtime friend. Wild, touching, and I can’t wait for the ending. Gotta say my respect for both these guys has gone up in HUGE amounts since starting this series.
FAQ
It’s occurred to me that there’s a lot of readers that are relatively new here, so I think it might be time for a quick FAQ.
Who the hell is Serra anyhow?
Well, Serra’s a soapmaker living in Southeastern Michigan who currently shares space with several people, two great dogs and a snobby kittycat. The animals are great; the people are really, uh, what’s the word Beo used to use when discussing a total pain in the ass at work? Oh–enlightening! Yes, they’re…enlightening.
What is a Serra anyhow? Why’s this silly bitch using the nickname?
Serra’s short for the name of a crack-coated–I mean, gorgeous collectible game card called Serra Angel. Since the angel’s not really appropriate for me, I shorten it to Serra. Here’s the card:
Pretty, right? Well, I’m not blonde and I have a rapier, not a broadsword, but I’ve got a better rack than the card too, so I guess it evens out.
Who are the Enlightening Ones?
Here’s a quick cast of characters:
Honey: Serra’s long-suffering fiance, an out-of-work automotive engineer (Hear that, Ford? Your outsourcing your design shit HURTS here at HOME–knock it the fuck off already! You have to keep getting everything redone anyhow, so why even do it?) who’s currently woefully underemployed. There’s always hope tho and any serious inquiries into hiring this skilled engineer can email moi and I’ll be happy to send it along.
H’sMa: Honey’s mom and my future Mother-In-Law. Before having to live with her the relationship was mild and mellow and liveable. After nine months under the same roof I’ve learned to watch what I eat, say what I have to say loudly and repeatedly, and to fully expect to be gossiped about in my own living space and misquoted out the wazoo. Have I mentioned that I highly dislike yelling, repeating myself, gossipmongers and idiots who don’t get the facts straight when they’re just unable to behave like normal folk and just MUST talk behind someone’s back?
Garand: Resident future brother-in-law and King of Porno, SE Michigan region. This is the guy the movie “The 40 Year Old Virgin” was based on, and he has no chance of changing it even if he should walk down 8 Mile with $500 in one hand and a bag of crack in the other. His habits are slovenly, his money all goes to feed his collections of books, DVDs and porn, and he’s not very nice to his mom. I’ve considered fixing this guy up with friends, but there’s no one I dislike that much.
Your Psychic Fiend: She’s the uber-bitch that lives in my head. She’s a seer whose gift has turned her into a seriously intolerant, non-PC, stubborn, nasty individual. I don’t let her out to play much; when I do, she usually winds up squelched in some elegantly nasty manner as punishment for insulting my friends and family.
Why does Serra blog?
Because it saves the lives of those around her. I’m 600 miles away from my nearest family, have no car, my hobbies taken because I have so little room to work (after being promised that I’d be able to), I’m not currently on medication (perhaps I should be but it’s so hard to tell who the nuts are in this house that I think it’s crap that I’d have to take pills because THEY’RE the whackos) and blogging is cheaper than psychotherapy.
Why all the profanity?
Life is profane at times, whether or not four-letter words are used. While I do have an excellent vocabulary, there are times where one just MUST say, “Fuck you, the horse you rode in on, the brother who looks like you and your little fucking kick-me dog too!”
I think that’s enough for now–do feel free to check the archives out and comment anytime. I as always reserve the right to tell you you’re full of shit, and if you’re full of shit in a very annoying manner I’ll delete and ban your comment. This doesn’t mean I’ll ban those who disagree. It does mean I’ll ban those who are tedious, annoying, inaccurate or otherwise abusing the privilege I pay for when I provide a nifty comment medium to go with the blog.
Thanks for stopping by!
Too much time on his hands
I love sick little monkey MooCow. However, the guy has far too much time on his hands.
Pimpin’ out the New Girl I Got
Since I speak English FAR too well to do any of this post in jive, I’m sending you to Gizoogle for the translation.
I’d like to pimp out my new renter from Blog Explosion, Deb_LA over at This is Not the Life I Pictured. You all already know how much I like bloggers who live in the real world, who prefer it there and have little time for those who live on planets where the sky is purple, so Deb’s a great new addition to my reading. She will be to yours also, so go check her out.
Please Welcome
In lieu of doing a full Housekeeping post, I'm posting a request for a welcome for Miss Ann Thrope, this week's BE renter. She's a scream, plain and simple. She and her husband (Mister Cranky Fucking Pants, thank you very much) do much to light their piece of the Interwebnets, and I think you'll enjoy her as much as I do.
She's easy to find–simply click on her thumbnail over there under my pussy or hit this link.
In a completely different vein, do you think it's time to untie Your Psychic Fiend and let her blog a little?
This Week’s Renter: I want to be Donna Reed
This week's renter over there under Desi's picture is Amber from I Want to be Donna Reed. Amber's a mother of adorables, a wife, and about to start her own Montessori school.
I'm not one for Mommy blogging or Mommy bloggers, but I like Amber. She sets her standards high. She reaches for those stars up there in the sky. She doesn't ask anything of anyone she's not willing to do herself, and she's her own worst critic. I think she's awfully hard on herself at times, but I don't think she'd be happy any other way, and reading what she chooses to share is a privilege I hope to keep in the future.
Amber's got her own linkylink in the blogroll, but click the thumbnail or this link, no, not that link, this link, so she gets every since bit of your clicky goodness counted.
Housekeeping and general update
Hi, all. Time for some housekeeping (I refuse to say "blogkeeping" because it sounds annoying to think it, let alone type it out). Strap in–there's a bit of material to cover and I don't want this to be a huge post. I have bitching to do tonight after this.
1. This week's renter–I don't have one right this second. The "rent this inch" is up over at BE; hit the thumbnail to go get it. If you're really highly interested in renting space here, scream in the comments so I know to look for your ass in the avalanche of bids.
2. New blogs in the blogroll–Vince at Ramblings and Musings gets an apology. I thought I'd added him eons ago, but no, so he's in this week's update. Anything Goes is Inana's home on the Net, excellent reading and very smart lady. No, I will not fix your computer is Beagle heaven today–go look at the most recent post–awww, FACES! Purty little Beagle FACES! I'm not going to explain Fruit Loops and Porn to you–that title alone should make you want to click yer butts over there and find out for yourself.
Angela's Updates is the blog of a soaper I know, started after the fire that turned her home into a total loss. This lady's had crap to deal with that'd make the Pope say "fuck" and I really admire her grace in handling everything shooting down the shit sluice at her right now. She could use an unusual sort of hand right now, so do check this post especially, since we're at massively low resources right now and I can't even help her with her one request. The best I can do is bring it to the attention of those who may be able to help, and this I do right now. Go look and help if you can.
Ask Your Psychic Fiend is going to become a less regular feature here at Whiplash Smile. I love it, you love it, but once a week is just a huge job. You're feeling the strain of coming up with the questions; I'm feeling the drain of coming up with new ways to punish the bitch that lives inside my head. Currently she's tied up and being forced to watch Garand do whatever he does in his room. All I'm hearing is muffled screams, so he hasn't thought about the fact that something with a snootch is tied up in his room and is at his total mercy. I'll keep you posted on further developments.
I think that's it for now–I just noticed Blogger's about to have a "scheduled outage" so I'll bitch tomorrow.
Forks in the Road
It’s the weekend, and I have a couple of things on my mind.
First–Scott over at Scooter’s 9th Green is still my renter, and well worth the click on his thumbnail over on the sidebar. I picked him because his tastes in music and media are much different than mine, and I’m not under the illusion that you all 100% agree with a woman who has bought only one album recorded after 1990. He’s good reading so go check him out.
The other matter on my mind today is Ask Your Psychic Fiend. Mostly, I’m wondering if you’re all getting bored with this one. I’m finding myself running out of ideas, honestly, but I seem to find new ones when I need them, so it’s only a secondary issue as far as I’m concerned. I’ll dig out what I need to if I keep writing Ask YPF; the real question is “Do you really want me to?”
I refuse to start a survey–it just reminds me too much of skank-assed soapers who have to keep checking their personal popularity by setting up polls like, “Should I ever wash my stank ass? Yes/No/Why–you smell perfectly like roses no matter how many years it’s been since you’ve actually used soap” Please, just put your opinions in the comments for this post. I’m going to stick it to the top of the blog for 24 hours, so everyone gets a chance to see it.
And Now, For Something Completely Different
This week's renter is completely different than the blogs I usually choose, which is a major reason I've picked Scooter's blog from the pile of rent bids this week. Normally I like writers who stick to either their current lives, their past lives (in whatever sense you need that to be), or other types of funny stuff. Scooter writes Scooter's 9th Green, a look at pop culture thru the eyes of a young guy from Ohio.
This isn't a gossip blog–far from it. It's more an examination of what he sees and what relevance (if any) it has. He's a big fan of a more modern type of music than I am (another reason he's here–y'all know I'm just an old dinosaur) and even though I recognize few of his picks, he's interesting and if I stick with reading him, perhaps I'll find a second album recorded after 1990 to add to the CD collection.
Go here or click the thumbnail under my pussy on the sidebar to go check out Scooter's 9th Green.
oh, and…
FREEBIRDDDDDD!
Housekeeping
Housekeeping's late this week. Seems to be the story of my life–Ask YPF was late too, and all because the little midget in my right sinus cavity won't stop with the kicking. Bastard. As always, I picked five new blogs to add to the blogroll, and as always I have a wonderful renter that you should go visit.
This week's renter is Joisey Girl, over at Thought Bubbles. I love the humorous way she looks at life–she's not terribly pessimistic, but she does have some stellar snarky moments going on. Go see her by clicking the thumbnail, or clicking here, and tell her Serra sent yer butt over.
I've also added five new blogs down there under Hot Bloggers on the sidebar–all fun stuff, so go take a look.
Mr. Fabulous is the author of Pointless Drivel, which, IMHO, is neither. He's much more pertinent than the title of the blog lets on, and definitely a good read. I found him thru his comments here and today discovered his good taste in linking to Whiplash Smile, so he makes the blogroll for several reasons.
Overthink is another blog I discovered via hits on my SiteMeter. Christine's "day in the life" blogging style is refreshing. She's honest always and by turns she's funny, thoughtful, slightly snarky and always a good read.
Cat With A Pen is one I discovered by wandering around Blog Explosion. She's not your average blogger. You'll find bluntly honest discussions on the issues she's dealt with and at times still living with, all treated with her insight and excellent writing ability. I look forward to each new post, and you will too.
Divinities is a bluntly self-studying take on leaving the zero and finding the hero. Here, Laurie frankly deals with a situation I'm sure many of us have been in. Having left a very bad relationship, she's now found a wonderful man, but finds herself examining everything she feels and sees in minute detail in order to be certain she's found something more real and wonderful than she thought possible. The writing is good and I find that much of her material here speaks to me deeper than I like to admit. Excellent stuff, folks, go check it out.
Chatty at Whatchu Tawkin Bout was last week's renter, and I've added her as a daily read. I particularly liked today's post, even tho I didn't comment, about attending the wake of one of her former students. Deep when it's necessary, Chatty can also slap out the snark with the best of us.
Once I get caffeinated (and waffled up–Honey's cranking out chocolate waffles this morning as I type this), I'll be posting about my mentholated bra.
Stay tuned!
Ask YPF Answers and This Week’s Renter
Due to Blogger’s being a royal bitch, I will let YPF do the Ask Your Psychic Fiend answers tomorrow. I know I had a bitch of a time posting anything yesterday, including the comment I needed to leave for SpiderWalk. Seems she had this stalker from Ypsi, poor thing. I tried half a dozen times to let her know it was me, but first comments were down, then MY ISP went down like a whore on payday, then all of Blogger went tits-up.
Meanwhile, I do have a new renter. Everyone, go say hi to Joisey Girl! She’s an American living in Stockholm with her Swedish fiance. She’s a great read, so either click the thumbnail or go see Thought Bubbles here. Excellent reading and I’m glad to have her as a renter this week.
Housecleaning
It’s time to clean house again. Funny how that happens–I do it and do it and yet I still have to do it. Trouble is, I keep finding great new (to me) blogs and just must add them to the blogroll. It doesn’t matter that whatever is kicking my head from the inside out is still kicking, I just have to do it. I’m driven that way, I guess. So enough about my headache and on to the new Hot Blogs list.
My renter this week is Chatty at Whatchu Tawkin Bout, the blog of an 8th Grade teacher who sounds like she’d be one of my favorites (if I were still in 8th Grade, which some people think my emotional age is). I know I keep saying “funny, smart, excellent reading” when I add new favorites to the blogroll, but I actually mean them, and Chatty’s right up there with the best. Either hit the link or click on her thumbnail over there under the kittykitty.
As for the Hot Blogs additions, here they are, in no particular order:
The Adventures of Twatwaffle Jones–Oh, come on, doesn’t the name just scream piss-yer-pants funny? It did to me, and it lives up to its billing. I can’t remember how I came across it but I likee, so here she is.
Life My Way–I’m renting blog space from Bozette this week, so I’m also giving her a shout out. She’s a prolific blogger with two or three blogs (perhaps more) and all are fun reads. Thanks Bozette for letting me rent.
This is the truth; my truth–Tina doesn’t blog often, but when she does it’s worth it. Insighful, thoughtful, and funny. I should have added her a long time ago, but I a lazy type.
Miss-Ann-Thrope–Another fun read I’ve found thru BE. Smart woman meets idiots and Mr. CFP makes for snorting, giggling fun.
The Monaco Manifesto–A read I found by virtue of him having the nerve to let me rent space. As you know, I’m not fond of sweetness-and-light blogging, so he fits in wonderfully here.
Just PureMood–PM’s been visiting here a bit lately, so I strolled over to look at her work. I wasn’t getting over there as often as I’d like but my RSS feeder finally decided to let me add her, so I’ll get to enjoy her more often now. Again, smart, funny, insightful and downright good writing.
I’m always on the lookout for new additions to the blogroll, so if you think I’d like to read you, just leave a comment on one of the posts and I’ll go peek.
This Week’s Renter
I’m putting up a short post to welcome my new BE renter, Chatty! Chatty keeps a great blog over at Whatchu Tawkin Bout, and in the short time I’ve been reading her I’ve giggled every time I stop by. As always with blogs I give space and shout-outs to, she’s smart, funny, and doesn’t play games.
A new place to find me is renting space over at Bonanza Jellybean’s blog. She’s been kind enough to let me rent space there and thanks to that I’ve found yet another good read. Anyone who thinks Paris Hilton is as big a waste of oxygen (not to mention couture) as I do is always a great find.
Go check both these great folks out.
Hadn’t heard this one
Karen over at Troll Baby does it again with a blonde joke I hadn’t heard before. Go check it out.
RbW: Fred Phelps et al
I was going to blog about Westboro Baptist Church’s intention of picketing at the funeral of the miners who died in the Sago mine, but Malnurtured Snay beat me to it. He did such an excellent job that I have little to add.
The only note I can add is that it’s obvious that Fred Phelps and his spawn were indeed Raised by Wolves. They’re such a textbook case of RbW that I’m making them the RbW Poster Child for 2005.
Here’s where I make the case, back in August and September:
You MUST Be Kidding is located about 3/4 of the way down the archive page.
He’s at it Again is near the bottom of the page as well.
Go see Snay and catch the latest shit.
A Troll Baby of My Very Own
Good morning everyone! This is just a quick post to introduce my new BE renter, Karen over at Troll Baby. I’d found her while surfing blogs there and I’m very happy she’s come to stay for a week. Go ahead and click the thumbnail on her blog or click here to go check her out. She’s smart, funny, snarky…everything I’ve come to enjoy in a blog.
I might add she’s also running a contest for a free blog template to introduce her web designs to the Net. I like her work and I did enter to get a template for my other blog, so go over there and put an entry in too!
I’m renting at some nice places this week as well. You already know Laurie from Stranded in Suburbia, and I’m really pleased she’s letting me crash at her blog. I also am renting space at The Monaco Manifesto, a cynical soul’s look at life (right up my alley and a new regular read). Both these landords are da bomb–I couldn’t ask for a better place to rent. Thanks, both of you, for an excellent chance to get noticed.
I’m renting space at two other blogs, but since I’m not particularly pleased with the treatment I’ve gotten there, I’m not going to comment. Well, perhaps I will when the deal ends with one blog, but I’m going to hold off until the end so I have the final results and can truly bitch well. At this point I don’t think I could get less exposure there, but of course I could be wrong.
Got a Blog for Rent?
I’ve recently rented out space to Bloggin’ Bizatch–she’s the renter this week and she’s a lot of fun to read, so go click the thumbnail in the sidebar over there or use this link so you can check her out too.
Meanwhile, I’ve had a little trouble finding a place to put a thumbnail of my own. If you’re willing to accept me as a renter for the week leave me a comment.
Ginger and Bloggin’ Biznatches
Well, less than an hour after I posted my “Rent My Blog” offer I have a renter! Please go give Bloggin’ Biznatch a look. I like her attitude, the template’s very nice and I’m looking forward to adding her to my daily reads. Thanks, BB, for renting space here.
Last night, I was upstairs trying to block out the latest round of high-pitched bitching about who watches what on the downstairs TV (I really have to talk to Honey about that tendency of his to let his voice get into the “Only Dogs Can Hear” range when he’s upset) when I caught an episode of Mythbusters. I like the show–it appeals to the mad scientist in me. One of their segments came to the conclusion that ginger works for motion sickness–I’m surprised that I forgot about that nausea cure. I think I’ll swipe Honey’s box of ginger Altoids and give them a shot. Wish me luck.
*Note to the natural-cure folk out here: Don’t use Ginger EO, use the fresh or dried root–the essential oil smells like moldy, aged ASS. I used to soap a blend of Ginger EO and Orange EO; I sorta liked it but just didn’t get the effect I wanted. I continue to lust after some Ginger CO2 extract so I can get the scent I want.
Housecleaning
Hi, everyone,
Yeah, I still feel like someone’s put roofies in my drink (and by roofies I mean arsenic and by drink I mean Mountain Dew) so I’m not as with it as I prefer to be. I tried to get off the liquid diet yesterday and symptoms returned, so I’m back to ramen and milkshakes spiked with Instant Breakfast for meals. Honey’s having fits at me as is his mom over the lack of intake, but I can’t help that. I’m more disturbed by what my body does with other food than I am about their nagging. It’s hard to take them seriously when they piss themselves if I haven’t eaten five meals a day.
Speaking of Honey, he’s now a member of the Flowers in the Attic community. He stayed home from work today with the same symptoms I have and is occupying his usual chair while his mom bitches about him watching the Science Channel. That’s fine with me. I have her scarf to finish and he takes up so much room in the bed that I can’t get comfy and knit when he’s there. The scarf’s looking gorgeous–it’s a baby alpaca/silk blend yarn in Wild Rose that I got from KnitPicks (The site was down when I posted, but is restored now. I used Elegance yarn here.) with advice from the Evilly Scientifically Engaged One. (By the way, WHOOOHOOOO Regan and Kev!) I love working with it so much I’m going to score some more for scarves for my mom and myself soon. Honey, on the other hand, wants a thick bulky scarf in rag wool, heather color. I’m having some twouble finding that yarn so it’ll have to wait until I locate it.
I’ve done a little housecleaning on the sidebar, ridding myself of useless linkage and blogs that haven’t updated since July and moving last round’s hot blogs into the regular lineup. There’s five new ones listed for your pleasure, as always.
What? is Cass’ personal blog. She’s got some really excellent artwork, and I like her attitude in general, so go check her out.
Pikkel WeeZel is a fun and crabby bastard. I wish he’d post more often but I’ll take what I can get.
Forward Ho has been a regular read for awhile for me. Val’s got a “Day in the Life” going on with some well thought out posts. Val, I’ll have a special note for you at the end of this post.
5th Circle of Cubic Hell is hilarious. I’ve been quite fond of these folk, so now they’re added to the blogroll.I Talk 2 Much is a blog review blog, run by some great folks (and by great I mean caustic and funny as hell). I haven’t had the nerve to submit my blog yet, but I’m scrinching it up as we speak.
The Rock Bitch is a new read for me, found originally when she was renting blog space from Laurie. She’s funny, smart, bitchy, and entertaining all around.
Go show these folks some luv–no need to say I sent you because while Val and Cass know me, I don’t think the rest do. I just lurk and admire from afar.
I owe a major apology to Val. So, here it is:
Val, I’m so sorry I haven’t gotten your oils out yet. I tried again today to pack them and every time I open a bottle of anything aromatic I’m running to leave an offering to the Porcelain God Ralph (including the Lavender, which shouldn’t do this to me but is indeed). I will keep trying and I hope to get this out to you ASAP. You’ve waited far too long and should you feel the need to chew me out, my comment section is open to you, as is my email.
Well, that’s it for now. I’ll be picking up Ask Your Psychic Fiend again Wednesday with the Comment Me Now post, and I’ll likely be taking renters from Blog Explosion. I’ve found some nifty bloggers that way, so I think I’ll open the spot on my own this year and see how it goes.
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EDIT: Yeah, I know there’s six new blogs listed. Deal.
Whiplash Smile 
