Gone Fishin’
I no longer update this blog, due to morons beyond my control. Instead it’s an archive site for articles I want to keep.
If you know me and want to know where I write (and show off my soap) now, email me–if you know me you have the email.
Havin’ a Party
If you’re a fan of Contemporary Candles, keep an eye peeled here–I’m going to run an online candle party starting Monday March 5! The candles are awesome, scents are slammin’ and the service canNOT be beat. The last time I ordered from these folks I had my candles three days after putting in my order.
The great part is all you will have to do is put my party number in the space in the shopping cart–I’ll post it on Monday–and they handle everything else. Your order ships right from them and you’ll probably have your candles long before the end of the party, which is midnight on March 19. This crew makes the Tupperware lady look slow and weak–I’m positive you’ll love their goodies as much as I do.
If you’d like an invite just leave me your email addy in the comments and I’ll shoot you one.
To the sorry-assed spammer…
…who’s been attempting to comment all evening:
Hiya, spamming fuckbag at 83.19.48.78! Go suck someone else’s ass–deleting your spam comments is getting boring.
Thanks,
The Mgt.
RbW: Sidekick Thieves
I don’t exactly recall how I found out about all this (I suspect I found it surfing thru BlogMad), but damned if this doesn’t just point up what happens these days when dumbfucks are allowed out without a leash.
It seems this guy’s friend accidentally left her Sidekick in a NYC taxicab. Once the person realized she lost it, she text messaged the phone repeatedly offering a reward for its return. Messages went unanswered, so the woman got a new Sidekick. Once she got the new one going, she found the AOL name and passwords of the person (who by then knew the phone wasn’t abandoned property and kept it anyhow, legally stealing it) who had the phone. Since the service on the stolen Sidekick automatically uploaded all pictures and other data to and from the phone, the woman and her friend had plenty of information on the thieves.
The story gets long, involved and hairy from there, so it’s best if you go see the whole thing at the website established to see if there’s any shame left in people on this planet, How NOT to steal a Sidekick.
And so, for not having enough common sense NOT to keep something that clearly doesn’t fucking belong to your dumbfuck moron asses, the Corona Crew of Queens becomes this week’s Raised by Wolves Poster Children:
I’ll bet her momma is SO proud!
Stupid slut.
Boca Java Notes: Blogs of Bravery
This is another in a series of reviews of Boca Java's Bloggers Blend line of coffees. While they sent me the coffees free of charge to review, they've not paid me to give good reviews only. They simply want my honest review, and that's what they get. See the category "Coffee" in the sidebar for other reviews of these coffees.
I finally got the chance to get this review written–sorry it's been so long in coming. It's been a tad busy around the homestead. This one's concerning the Blogs of Bravery blend, described on Boca Java's website this way:
'The Real Story in Real Time.' Front line fuel from a blend of South American dark and medium roasts to create a well balanced smooth taste.
I honestly thought it was weird to have both dark and medium roasts combined in one blend. I didn't really see the point…until I drank it.
THAT's when I discovered that blending the dark and medium roasts was a wonderful way to incorporate the rich deep flavor of a dark roast while preserving some of the caffeine content and complex taste of the medium-roasted bean. I found the aroma rich–the depth of the dark provides a solid base for the more delicate notes in the medium roast, giving the whole a spectrum of aroma I've never seen before.
I first tried this one as always black, and while it was nice, I would still rather have my usual creamer and sugar in it for my best experience. Although the taste is really rich and complex, adding the cream and sugar really finished the taste for me. It added just the right note to round out this cup's excellence. The taste was wonderfully balanced–the brightness of the medium roast was smooth and well rounded, and the dark roast added just the right bold kick to the overall taste. Adding the cream and sugar gave the whole cup the only thing this blend could have possibly needed–the mouth feel of cream, slightly thicker and smooth, letting the wonderful taste of the coffee bloom in the mouth.
I think this would be ideal for iced coffees–all that rich boldness combined with light bright teases of flavor would hold up excellently iced. I can't wait to throw this one in a blender with some milk, sugar and a touch of chocolate.
I will have to wait though–I went thru the half-pound generous sample that Boca Java sent me, drinking this gorgeous coffee hot hot hot. Good thing for me I get the coffee delivered right to the house, isn't it?
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FOADT #5: Victims, aren’t we all
I knew this woman wouldn't stay silent for long. It was just too good to be true, the peace that flowed thru the soapmaking community. But then she fucked up again. Yeah, the Demented Prevaricatrix was dumbass enough to come after me again. See the category "The Initials Are" in the sidebar for the backstory. (Note that all posts have the legal name of the Annoying One removed). For some strange reason, this person attempted to comment spam this blog at about 6 pm Eastern time Sunday night, making herself this week's hands-down winner of FOADT.
You should hear…
…how she talks about you, before jumping to her defense.
It's been an interesting three days. I've been forced to sanitize this place and I'm STILL getting demands on what should be here. SO sorry to disappoint, but there's absolutely no grounds for any further objections here–legal names are removed as agreed, but you as the other party aren't holding up your end. In fact you've decided that you should "defend" someone else I had an issue with and are attempting to demand I do something about her.
Perhaps this person who thinks I'm her bitch should get a clue–the person who's asking for defense isn't telling the truth. She's telling you I lied to her, when in point of fact she screwed me on an $80 order! SHE lied to ME for THREE WEEKS about the reason she couldn't pay me. I took the time to find out the other side of the story I was told, and found out the truth. Where on Earth is it that I did anything WRONG?
Get the facts straight–SHE did me dirty on a business deal. SHE is the one not reputable. And SHE has lied to YOU as well.
My momma taught me, "If someone lies to you, they're lying about you, sure as flies on shit."
I’m very sorry
To those of you who received unsavory comments regarding my character on your blogs, I extend my heartfelt apologies. The person who left them is a very sick individual whom I've discussed before (see the category "The initials are" in my sidebar).
I'd really appreciate it if those of you who were plagued by this menace would email me with the comment and any electronic fingerprints you found with it. I'm working on legal action against this person due to the comments she left here, and any help you can give would be much appreciated. I'll explain more once certain actions are in progress, I promise.
Oh–and to my little stalker? I suggest another hobby be acquired immediately.
UPDATE: She does indeed have another hobby, as she's spent her morning putting up a whole blog dedicated to little ol' me. I'm flattered.
Updating the update: The site is down. I agreed to pull every reference to her legal name from this blog. This is done as of 1:30 pm Monday. Anyone who has had their blog spammed can email me with the proof needed to show the user responsible (IP, etc.) Thanks.
Boca Java Notes #2–New Media Mavericks
This is part of a series of reviews I volunteered to do on Boca Java's Blogger's Blends line of coffees. While I did receive the coffees free to review, I'm not the kind of girl who can be bought so easily–the stuff's gotta be good to rate a good review.
I'm one of the 500 folks who received a Blogger's Review Pack from Boca Java, and I got mine in on Friday (a day late due to UPS, not to the company). I'm loving it from the minute I get the tape cut open–rich, robust, redolent of all things good in coffee, the scent greeted me like the joy of opening a dozen roses. (Yes, I do like my coffee–why do you ask?) I got an 8 oz bag each of 6 blends, and I decided to start with New Media Mavericks.
Boca Java's website describes New Media Mavericks this way:
'Unfiltered Truth' Lead the information reformation with this medium roast from the prized Tarrazu region of Costa Rica with excellent body and robust richness.
I brewed a pot in the press pot this morning. My impression of the aroma was that it's lush-smelling but not harsh–I found it very mellow and deep. While a dark roast will put out powerfully strong aroma, this coffee's dance around the olfactory sense is more subtle, more complex and more alluring by virtue of not being brow-beating first thing in the morning.
The taste backs up the wonderful aroma, in spades. There's a touch of almost fruity flavor (not any specific fruit, just the note of a little bit in the background) that Costa Rican coffees are known for, nicely balanced, and the rest of the mouthful is just plain lush! Rounded flavor, mellow yet deep, it's complex without being obnoxious. The acid content is surprisingly low without sacrificing either caffeine content or taste.
As the cup cooled, it became plain that this isn't a prime choice for your favorite iced coffee recipe, as I really liked it better nice and hot. That said, it's the only complaint I have about it, and I don't much care that I won't want it for iced drinking anyhow. I have plenty of choices for iced coffees and frozen coffee, so it's ok that this one is best served warm. I liked it very much and I'm probably going to have the half-pound I was so generously given gone inside a week.
Twisted Friday Distraction
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/pingu2.php
Check this out–could be offensive.
Donations thank you this week
Just a quick post until later.
I'd like to give my heartfelt thanks to Moe That's Me and Rick (link posted earlier this week) for donating to get me out of this house. You both brought tears to my eyes, and I am humbly grateful for the help.
The donation total stands at $45.00. To donate to me via PayPal, my addy is serrathescentedNOSPAM@gmail.com.
Thanks from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you!
BIG thanks to TNChick, both for picking me the winner for her caption contest at Easter, and for the excellent prize! Here’s a pic:
To see the picture I captioned, look here. Here’s the announcement and my winning entry.
Yummay! I’m wearing the ankle bracelet, have begun the scarfing process on the excellent chocolates (I love Ghiradelli) and am impatiently awaiting the arrival of my Blogger Review Pack from BocaJava, which according to my UPS tracking info should have itself here soon as the UPS man shags his ass over here to give it to me!
Thanks TONS, TNChick! I really love it all 🙂 The ankle bracelet even FITS (most don’t)!
FOADT #4
This week's Fuck off and Die Thursday is dedicated to my favorite kind of dumbass–the one who, despite huge piles of warnings and police activity aimed at catching him, still thinks he won't be the one popped by the po-po. Arrogance, stupidity and a distorted sense of anonymity combine to convince online sexual predators that "they" won't be the ones who wind up on "Dateline NBC," only to find themselves trying to talk their way out of why they're in the home where someone (who's told them they're severely underage ) told them to come if they want what they typed in that chat room to be real-life.
So–to the 24 men caught in April during yet another sting run by Dateline NBC, Florida police and the watchdog group Perverted Justice, FUCK OFF AND DIE! You're the reason I watch my kid's MySpace profile and blog, you twisted fuck! Everyone needs to be able to function in cyberspace these days, and shit-for-brained sorry excuses for humans like yourselves make for a dangerous environment.
Conversations #1
I know there's going to be more than one of these Conversations I Can't Believe I Had to Have, so here's the first of a series.
Knock-knock-knock, at 10 pm. I'm in massive pain, as I usually am at night, this night's torture caused by shagging around looking for ear candles and ear drops, then slaving over the plugged ear of my ex-fiance (yeah, I know, he's not my fucking problem but I'd still have to listen to it until I did something).
Me: What? Grabbing for the covers because even in nice weather the furnace still cranks out heat because the Little Old Nazi thinks she's cold when it's 70 out, so I'm naked and trying not to sweat to death.
Honey: It's me.
No shit it's you, you're the only one who knocks before coming in and Garand no longer touches the door after the time he just walked into the room. Being a bitch has its uses.
Me: What?
Honey: Can I come in?
Me: Like I can stop you?
Honey: FINALLY opening the door…I thought I'd come spend time with you.
Me: We spent hours together today. I'm hurting a lot tonight…Tugging covers tighter.
Honey: Plops down on bed I'm forced to share for lack of other space to sleep in…I thought we'd spend some time together.
Me: You said that. What do you want?
Honey: Just came up to…
Me: I know. We DID spend time together, and now I'm paying for it. I'm hurting and your nutso mother has the fucking heat on so I'm sweltering under this comforter.
Honey: Well, just shove it off. I don't mind.
Me: I do mind.
Honey: You can be naked, it's ok, I'm totally comfortable with that…said with absolutely no clue that it's not his comfort I care about here.
Me: I just said I'M not comfortable with that. I gave you your ring back and I'm trying to find a way to move out. That means I don't want to get nude with you anymore. I don't have a choice when your mother turns the place into a sweatbox, but that doesn't mean I'm going to lounge around with you in the raw.
Seriously, I had to actually HAVE this conversation last night. Again.
Donations
Due to the multiple requests for my allowing donations to the cause of getting my ass the hell OUT of here, I’m making a donation option available. No one is obligated and I totally understand people not donating, so no need to ‘splain in comments. I hate to do this but with the email I’m getting I think it’s time I did. Here’s the button:
OK, here is NOT the button! I can’t make the damned thing post and I don’t know why. My email is serrathescented_fuckspam@gmail.com if anyone’s interested in donating to the cause. Simply remove the _fuckspam to get thecorrect email.
If anyone can help me get this showing I’d sure appreciate it. I’d also appreciate a hand on getting the freakin’ LINKS to show!
Monday meanderings around my mind
It’s Monday, after a day that I don’t usually handle well (since my daughter lives with her dad), and there’s a few things going thru my mind:
- What does a mom who doesn’t do chick flicks do for television while she’s isolating herself from the world? On Mother’s Day, HBO, Cinemax and even Starz and Encore are rife with the best in chickflickdom. Ew. First, she seeks shelter in a Mythbusters marathon–thank Dog for those two nut goodies. The catch was that the marathon only lasted until 8 pm. After that, the Queen of NoChickFlicks has to resort to her limited DVD collection (since finances forced the cancellation of Netflix goodness), hitting The Crow until something more suitable appeared on TV.
- What part of “I’m not in the mood for company–I really need to be alone today,” and “I’m really pissed at your mom–doesn’t she understand the meaning of ‘hang up, I have it?'” did Honey not get last night? Yes, the roses were nice for a Mother’s Day gift, but the hassle I had to go thru in order to speak to the daughter who called me yesterday (precious beyond price) really undid the good the roses did.
- What possesses your mother to cook beautifully fresh organic asparagus until it’s mush? She does the same shit with pasta, and claims she’s “just following the directions.” There’s no fucking directions on asparagus that grew in the yard, so where does the “cook it to death” come in? Blech! The reason my supper plate was clean was due to flushing the asparagus–I couldn’t stand the smell of it any longer! I know, you’ve told her, I’ve told her, I’ve printed out Food TV directions that told her, so it’s not like she doesn’t know. She even watched me cook it correctly about four years ago and the hint STILL didn’t take!
- MAJOR thanks to Rick, someone I don’t even KNOW, for contributing to the Get Me out of Hell Fund. I like to cry happy, and this did it. You have my most heartfelt thanks.
Read the ad first
As I was surfing and trying my best to ignore the fact that although the conversations in the house were about me and mostly wondering what I knew or thought or was going to do, no one was actually asking me anything, I found this article:
Tue May 9, 5:13 AM ET BEIJING (Reuters) – A Chinese businessman who bought a Russian fighter jet online wants his money back after finding it could not be shipped to China, state media reported on Tuesday.
Zhang Cheng, a Beijing businessman, bid $24,730 (13,330 pounds) and paid a $2,000 deposit for the former Czech air force plane on Chinese-based eBay, Xinhua news agency said.
The article goes on to say that the seller clearly limited delivery to the US and Canada, and if I remember correctly it'd be highly illegal to send a fighter jet to China due to limits on arms sales, not to mention the high probability of having it shot down during delivery. And this brilliant doofus wanted to display it. At least, that's what everyone is supposed to believe.
I tried to find the original ad but no luck. However, anyone who's used eBay more than once figures out the cardinal rule of playing on eBay: THOU READEST THE AD MOST THOROUGHLY, LEST THOU APPEAR A DIPSHIT.
FOADT #3
This week's Fuck Off And Die post isn't dedicated where you think it might be. Tempting tho it is to nominate the man I've spent the last eight years with, I'm doing my best not to turn this into Emo on Parade Blog. So, this week's FOADT is dedicated to the people who MUST be skewing the results of American Idol.
Yeah, yeah, sure, they say it's all based on the voting exactly as America calls it in. I'm not buying it. Nope. The last two seasons have definitively proven that someone's rigging this bullshit, and this week I cordially invite them to FUCK OFF AND DIE.
I don't know specifically who is doing the rigging, mind you. The producers are a very likely suspect, naturally, because they benefit the most from being able to keep people watching. I can just hear the production meeting now:
Whiplash Smile 